Self-Discovery over Self-Discipline

Elizabeth Gilbert once said that she grew up in a place where people believed their greatest power was self-discipline. That sentence has stayed with me because I recognize it in my own story. I grew up in a culture where self-discipline was the measure of worth. Strength was not in your vision but in how tightly you could control yourself to fit the shape of what a Midwestern “good girl” should be.

As I have grown and built The Out Beyond, I have shifted into a different way of being. Slowly, I have moved from forcing myself to build a business doing things my brain (or the outside world) says I should do, into doing the things that I am most curious about and deeply desire. The phrase that guides me now is simple but transformative:

Self-discovery over self-discipline.

It is the compass I return to when I feel myself pushing too hard, policing my own rhythms, or trying to force outcomes. Discovery is the practice: noticing my resistance, questioning my stagnation, and meeting myself with curiosity rather than criticism, with grace rather than force.

Recently, as I was decorating my office white board, I went to write “Self-Discovery over Self-Discipline” the double meaning of discipline made itself known. This moment led me to explore the etymology of the word discipline. Its root is beautiful. In Latin, disciplina meant instruction, teaching, knowledge. A discipline was a field of study, a devotion to practice. Discipline was about growth and curiosity, not punishment or control.

Yet over time the meaning shifted. And I wasn’t shocked to find when and who changed the meaning of the word. One key figure in this shift was Tertullian (c. 160–c. 220 CE), a Roman lawyer from Carthage who converted to Christianity and became one of the earliest Latin theologians. He shaped much of Christian vocabulary like Trinitas (Trinity), sacramentum (sacrament) and is remembered as the “Father of Latin Christianity.”

But his teachings also reframed discipline from knowledge to control. His views were steeped in patriarchy, were hypocritical and especially vile towards women. In On the Apparel of Women he wrote to women, “You are the devil’s gateway. You are the first deserter of the divine law.” He condemned adornment and placed blame for sin and disorder on women. He also argued that celibacy was key to religion, even though he himself was… wait for it… married.

For Tertullian, discipline was no longer just knowledge. It became rules, obedience, and correction. His framing gave church leaders language to punish and to enforce submission. In a society built on slavery and patriarchy, this redefinition reinforced systems that benefited educated, elite men like him.

Understanding this history makes the phrase self-discovery over self-discipline even more important. Discipline was not always about punishment, but thinkers like Tertullian bent it in that direction. What began as learning became a tool of control.

For now, I’ll continue remembering in my daily practice that I want to choose curiosity over control, discovery over discipline. I’m also beginning to think about reclaiming the original meaning of discipline. Pondering the idea that discovery may be discipline – knowledge, teaching and learning.

This is the invitation of The Out Beyond: a space where you are not measured by how tightly you can control yourself, but where you are free to discover. You are not a problem to fix or a body to punish, but a whole story, a full adventure, unfolding in its own time.

Out Beyond Tertullian’s discipline, there is a field.
I will meet you there.

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Bibliography

• Tertullian. Wikipedia. Last modified August 2025. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tertullian
  
• Tertullian, On the Apparel of Women (De Cultu Feminarum). Translations at New Advent. https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/0402.htm
  
• Rankin, David. Tertullian and the Church. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1995.
  
• Mowczko, Marg. “Tertullian on Marriage and Equality.” https://margmowczko.com/tertullian-equality-in-marriage